so..its 10:17 in the morning..had a party to go to yesterday..and it was the best..the whole day yesterday was the best..or should i say the highlight of the month..YET..haha so many blessings..haaha..but..i dnt wanna get too comfortable in my comfort zone..but..im ready to get out there and show how God made my life the way it is now..and i was inspired by this man too..watch it..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQPmY4nIjVE

but..the true reason for this blog was..that i had a very veryveryveryvery sad vivid dream..about a certain someone..but..it wasnt like sadsad that i turn emo..it was a dream that gives me goosebumps..it felt like it was the movies and everything..it was so sad that i woke up with tears in my eyes..but..evn tho it was sad..it sorta made me happy..and earned the title of highlight of my dreams...hahaha so bear with me as i share it with anybody who reads this..cuz it may seem choppy haha

so..in the dream..it started out like this..i was with this girl(for the sake of privacy..ill withold the name..but feel free to guess i guess haha) so anyways..i was with this girl..she looked familiar to me..we were good friends.and me..i had feelings for her ever since we got closer and closer to each other..i didnt expect to develop feelings for her..but i did..so anyways..back to the dream..so me and her..were walking..and by the looks and feel of the situation..we were already veryvery close..but not close enuff that i still keep my feelings for her deep inside me..so..we were walking around somewhere..the scenery was pretty blurry..but..it felt relaxing and very comfortinng..specially with her by my side..so we were just talking and stuff..and i think we were holding hands..but idk..it seemed pretty blurry..i was concentrating on that beautiful girl..hahah cheesy rite??lol so anyways..the scenery changed all of a sudden..this is where it gets sad..so like..we were at a park..talking..and it was night time..and we were both talking but it was quiet..then she spoke

"im moving".she said
"what?" i replied
"im moving away in 2 weeks,im already packed but i still have some left behind" she said
"why did you only tell me now?" i said getting angry since this was the time i was gonna tell her i love her.until she said that she was moving.so i witheld it.
"because..i didnt know how to tell you..you mean the most to me.and i didnt know how to say it"she said crying softly
"you mean a lot to me too..so much that you dont even know." i said starting to cry.

so the scene changes again..2 days before she has to move..and in the past 2 weeks.we werent talking..we were practically on opposite ways..thinking that..this is easier than saying goodbye..but it wasnt..it was tearing us both apart so much that we would be crying as we sleep at night..i took a walk to the park..our usual chill place..and i saw her there..on our park bench..i went up to her and just hugged her..

"i cant believe you're movint in two days.im sorry ive been ignoring you these past 2 weeks.i jsut didnt want to say goodbye..cuz it was hard" i said crying softly
"me too ben.im so sorry." she said crying too..

so then the scene changes again and we were at her house..i was helping her pack her last things..the things that she left last to pack so i can help her..we were both crying..i reached into my pocket..i got a guitar pick necklace that meant so much to me that its not even funny..i broke it in half and made two necklaces..

"is there still room for this?" i said softly holding out the half necklace
"your necklace! you broke it?"she said
"yes.." i mumbled
"why?this means the world to you! why wud you break it?" she said wondering
"this means nothing to me if i dont share it to the one person i care about the most." i said quietly
"what do you mean?" she said.
"i broke it in half so i have one part of it..and the person that i care about the most can hhave the other piece to let them know that ill always be close to their heart always.no matter where we both are.you are that person..you mean the world to me..this trinket doesnt mean anything if it doesnt have somewhere it belongs..well you know what i mean.haha" i said chuckling. "so what do you say?got a place in your neck for this special necklace to go in?" i added
"yes! yes ben..i do! but you didnt have to do this..ill always know that you'll always be close to my heart..well..cuz..well..cuz you mean the world to me also!" she said crying

i put the necklace on her neck.and she put the other half on my neck.and we hugged

the scene changes again and we were in our park bench..the last nite me and her will ever have until she moves away forever..we were laying down on the grass lookin up at the night sky..then all of a sudden fireworks started showing up..it lit up the night sky..filled with different colors..and one shape got our attention..it was two fireworks shaped like something..it shaped like two pieces of a heart.then the wind kicked in and combined those two pieces making the heart whole again..we turned to each other and looked at each other's eyes..and jsut stayed there...cuddling up closer to each other

the scene chages for one last time..and we were at her house..on moving day...we were both silent..crying softly..i looked at her..

"i wanna tell you something.." i whispered
"what is it?" she said
"well..since your moving away..i hated myself for keeping it in all this time." i stuttered nevously.
"what are you trying to say?" she asked confused.
"what im trying to say is that when i met you..i didnt expect it to be like this..i actually didnt expect to develop feelings for you.but i did..what im trying to say is that I LOVE YOU..so much please dont leave me" i said sobbing
"*gasp* OMG ben..i LOVE YOU TOO..i just didnt want to tell you b/c i thought u wudnt have the same feelings for me as i have for you " she said covering her mouth.
"dont leave me..please dont leave me" i said.
"im sorry ben..i have to..i have to go wherever my parents go..jsut remember what you told me yesterday..that as long as we wear our necklaces close to our hearts..distance doesnt matter" she said hugging me
"i guess you're right.." i hugged her back..

then she moved away..and the scene changes one last time..1 year later..i saw her again for the first time after a year..and still..i have the same feeligns for her..we talked for the past year..phone aim..whatevers..we kept in contact..but never saw each other until this time..

"ben! what are you doing here?!?!" she ran up to me crying tears of joy..
"well..it took me a year..but im finally here..ill go wherever you will go babe." i said..hugging her back..
"will you still love me in the morning?" she asked
"forever and ever babe" i answered
"I LOVE YOU BEN" she said
"I LOVE YOU TOO" i replied..hugging her..

and thats when my dream came to an end..there was a lot more detail..but i cudnt recall it..i woke up with tears in my eyes..

what do you (people who are reading this) think about this dream? You think God is telling me something here??

i just want to forget about you..i tried..and i almost succeded.but u pulled me back in..gah..this is hard..i thought i didnt have feelings for you anymore..i guess that i was jsut lying to myself that i dont like you anymore..dont get me wrong..i love you..but i just want to be free from being jealous..you have no idea how much it hurts me everytime i see your face bright up everytime u get a text from someone..a someone that i can only think is a guy..gah..why do i have to be jealous???i like somebody else now..and i like her a lot..but i jsut cant seem to let you go..you forgot me..and a good friend once told me.."forget the one that forgot about you"..but how can i??everyday i live my life normally..but then you pull me back in just cuz i havent been paying attention to you..idk..its jsut a feeling..

i cant forget about you..you showed me that you cared..but then its back to normal after that..gah..will you only care about me if something is wrong??i didnt do that to you...i cared about you ever since i met you..and even tho im feeling this way...i still do care about you..so much that it hurts..

so as of right now..i resolve that I, NOEL BENJAMIN SANTOS KATALBAS WILL LEAVE THIS ALL UP TO GOD.IF ITS NOT THE RIGHT TIME..SO BE IT..IM TRUSTING YOU NOW GOD...this is my public declaration..and ill be waiting..ill prepare for rain my GOD...ill prepare my field(MY LIFE) for the rain it desprately needs..